I have been back from the Dominican Republic (DR) for months now and have been trying to figure out what to say for my first blog back in the States. There are so many things I could talk about from the transition, to difficulties, to what I have learned, to what I am thankful for and all the emotions I am experiencing. So instead of trying to figure out the right things to say in the best manner possible, I am going to just write my thoughts in hopes that they convey the message clearly. This decision comes from some frustration I have experienced because I don't think I have explained the semester in the way I should.
There are so many things I want to say, yet haven't. I think that is because I am worried that people will not understand or will be scared away. It is so much easier to explain to fellow Americans about my trips to the beautiful beaches and going to the clubs and dancing the night away. It is so easy for me to keep all the life-changing moments hidden from all others, because that way I can blend back in with everyone I know and love. But is that what I want? I am not so sure. I want to be able to fit in with my best friends and family, yet I want the DR to continue to strengthen me in my mission to serve the poor, hurt, sad, and lonely. At times, these two paths seem to stand in direct opposition with one another, and since I have not explained the most meaningful aspects of my experience, I have made the transition even more difficult. I struggle between getting wrapped up in the American culture and internally fighting it with everything I have. We want to have fun and laugh and be happy. Yet everything I learned is in complete contrast with such feelings. Did I have fun and laugh and feel happy in the DR? Of course. But there was so much more. My fun, laughter, and happiness did not come from conventional American situations. Instead it came from building relationships with Dominicans and peers, learning about and immersing myself into an entirely different culture, and from gaining empowerment and hope amidst great economic impoverishment.
As a Catholic I always knew that I must devote my life to helping others, but I never knew quite how to do so or to what extent. I have struggled, especially lately, with the hierarchy of the Church, but Catholic Social Teaching and Liberation Theology keep me devoted to my faith. These teachings can be fearsome due to the demands they place on the lives of believers. I was afraid of accepting my Catholic vocation for fear of the inevitable challenges: living with the poor, making little money, people misunderstanding my choices. However, after living with the economically poor in the DR, I realize that I will not be satisfied if I do anything else. The people I met I now call my brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, friends. We developed the most amazing bonds because we were not distracted by our electronics or busy schedules. We had time to be together and that's about it.
I didn't realize the extent of the joy I found until I returned to this wealthy, competitive, success-driven country. Here, I do not have the same joy. I am happy because I get to spend time with my family and friends, live in economic comfort, and have time for leisure, but it's not the same. I need to get back into a more meaningful role. I crave that situation and I need that lifestyle.
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1 comment:
Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings. Maybe to make your experience more rewarding for others and yourself you need to keep sharing your feelings.
Here in the US people might need to realize that poverty is a lack of good healthy relationships not a lack of money.
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