I’ve been reviewing and analyzing the Cardoner focus group transcripts. If you’re not familiar with focus groups, it’s basically getting a group of people together to talk about their reactions and feelings, perceptions of a topic; a more or less guided discussion. The goal is to extract how the participants feel about the topic; to make some attempt at gathering their qualitative perceptions. At least that’s my limited understanding of focus groups at this somewhat early stage of my exposure to them.
In my review this morning, two themes emerged not specifically related to Cardoner but just general recurring expressions in the conversations – a general expression of ‘I want to feel good about myself’ and ‘I want to be part of something that I can feel good about.’
We are drawn to wholes. There is a strong urge within us to be part of something greater than ‘I’. I want to be part of a family, a group, a community. I want my department to be valued by the division, my division by the corporation.
And yet I want to be independent. I don’t want someone else telling me what to do. I want to have autonomy, self-control and a strong perception of my own self-worth. I need to have a strong sense of self.
In balance, these two desires could be seen as a whole where each of the parts is significant; where the whole truly is greater than the sum of the parts. What is required to move toward this balance? To speak and contribute, to put whole-hearted, unreserved energy forward, to give totally, to make a fearless self-gift. And to listen and receive, to hear clearly and earnestly and with willingness to believe that what I’m receiving was offered in a non-exploitive way, for unselfish ends; to completely and openly receive the other’s self-gift.
What is the value of the desire for this feeling that ‘Without me the whole would be less?’ Is this simply hubris or fear? Is it detrimental to the whole? Should I instead feel that ‘I am totally replaceable; that the whole can go forward, be as effective without me.’ For a machine that is largely true. Function alone can be preformed with interchangeable parts. The essence of me is more than my function. It is the uniqueness of the totality of me, the sum of all my parts.
Every single one of us is unique and so terribly important. If I accept that premise for me, I have to extend that concept to every other being. If I do not believe that I am uniquely important to God then I can believe that you are not uniquely important either. I can use you for what I perceive is my benefit.
These concepts of uniqueness and value are not empirically proveable. They are not deemed irrefutable truths of the universe. But it is a depiction of the universe, a truth that I want to believe in. Speaking for me; if there is nothing more than me, I live in hopelessness and futility. I do not find it freeing but emptying. I choose to believe. I choose to strive to live by this belief that I am a unique and treasured part of a whole that is infinitely beautiful and perfectly made up of an infinity of equally unique and treasured parts.
Beethoven’s fifth symphony has been performed countless times - each one unique. The perfection of a particular performance by a particular set of musicians in a particular setting cannot be reproduced. Even if recorded, each playback is in a unique setting, different than the ‘live’ performance. I am drawn to Augustine’s ponderings on what might heaven be like - an infinite chorus of individuals freely and perfectly combining in an infinite performance. It’s playing now.
