Preparations for a Journey

Lately there has been a hunger growing inside me. It is not for food and not for anything too carnal but a hunger for experiences and socializing and …just more!

The reason for the appearances of this rather strange hunger is my departure for Morocco in less than two months to begin my 27-month service in some rural village doing health education. Where exactly I will be and what exactly I will be doing are still a mystery (never releasing too much information seems to be the M.O. of the Peace Corps). All of the preparation, the anticipation, the unknown, the excitement, and the fear are making me uneasy and anxious. And so, I grow hungry for all I can get out of my life here before I leave.

Eating out for dinner and going out with my friends every chance I can has become my daily ritual. The Omaha airport checkpoint people and I are friends because I’ve traveled all over for months visiting family and friends. I buy more and more books. Every book I have ever wanted to read I think I can cram into my remaining time. I write and edit new and old papers of mine. I go to movies and other random community events: Another fundraiser/benefit? I’ll buy a plate! Need someone to help with planning events? Give me the clip board. I even watched American Idol for the first time last night.

Yet, as I am the midst of this flurry of activity, this preparation to leave the United States I don’t think that I am preparing to arrive in Morocco. I am not taking the time to reflect and discern. What will I be doing there? What was I thinking accepting the invitation? WHO AM I? CAN I DO THIS? WHAT AM I DOING? My mind just seems to skip over the Morocco aspect so much so I am starting to plan what I will do when I come back—I am preparing to arrive back in the United States! I just seem unable to ponder the 27-month stretch between departure and return.

One reason for this is I know nothing about Morocco. I can’t formulate ideas and prepare for things I have no understanding of. Another reason, however, is that in my flurry of preparation leading up to leaving I am not preparing myself for a journey. Now, with departure only weeks away, I am beginning to understand unless I prepare myself for my Moroccan adventure as a journey it will not help me gain an understanding of myself, my world, my place in the world and my relationship with God.

If working for Cardoner has taught me anything it is the value of questioning and reflecting on who am I in various situations and at various times. During my final weeks in America the flurry will intensify no doubt, but I will now start preparing for my arrival in Morocco and the journey of a lifetime.