Thoughts about being in control

I’ve learned something funny about depending on others, at least for me. When there’s no choice in the matter, it’s easy for me to ask for help and allow myself to be dependent. It’s a lot harder though, when asking for help with something I think I ought to be able to do on my own. It’s the same asking God for help. I have absolutely no problem praying for world peace or the health of a friend. If I’m struggling with something I think I should be able to handle myself, though, it’s really hard to place it in His hands. I hate not being in control.

I didn’t learn to drive until I was in my mid-20s and a new mom. When I was a teenager, pretty much everyone else raced to the DMV to get their learner’s permit and license within seconds of turning the right age. (You know how the lines started forming outside retail stores on Thanksgiving evening so that people could be first in line to get the best deal on Friday morning? I envision my peers lining up outside the courthouse on the eve of their birthday so as to be first in line to take that all-important test!) I, on the other hand, never saw the need. I loved to walk or ride a bike, and in my senior year, I got a moped that served the purpose grandly!

It wasn’t until I realized that it was pretty impractical to cart a baby around on a bus or a bike that I faced my fear and took the plunge. I drove for 12 years until a medical condition made it necessary for me to give up driving a few years ago. I quickly settled back into my non-driving ways, deferring the chauffer responsibilities to my husband. We bought a house near the bus line so I could make it to and from work without a problem. We live within walking distance of major stores so that I can walk there to get a gallon of milk if we need it. I learned to swallow any pride I might have had and ask for rides if I needed them. People are really wonderful, you know. I never had any trouble getting where I needed to be.

And then that first baby of mine started high school. Suddenly she needs to be places. Since she goes to a Catholic high school, someone needs to drop her off and pick her up. Her social life has grown exponentially. And like I did fourteen years ago, I came to the conclusion that it was time to face my fear again, do what I needed to do and start driving again. So, I am once again a legal driver.

A couple of weeks ago, I hurt my back and had to ask a friend to drive me to some appointments. Before I got my license back, I would have had no trouble at all asking for her help. I was used to asking for help – I did it often! This time, though, I felt guilty about calling her. I should have been able to do it myself, I thought. Suddenly, I felt beholden and helpless. We are brought up to show no weaknesses, to be self-sufficient and independent. Anything else makes us feel like less of a person.

I’m the same way about asking God for help. It’s easy to do when I know there is nothing I can do about a situation. I can put it in His hands. When it’s a situation that I think that I ought to be able to control, though, I have trouble letting Him take the weight off of my shoulders. Galatians 6:2 says "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." So how do I practice giving myself up totally to the will of God? How do I reinforce to myself the wisdom of turning over my issues and letting Him (and others) help me bear my burdens? It's certainly something I work on!
I hope you and yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!