Exerpt from Day 6: God in Calmness and in Arousal

Every day of this retreat, I have been given multiple passages from Scripture, one for each hour-long prayer period. Psalms and Genesis, Sirach and Isaiah, they all circle around God’s goodness in all his creation, but especially God’s goodness in creating humans and putting the rest of creation under our rule. Reflecting on the passages, I too got caught up in God’s goodness, God’s divine majesty, “Praise and exalt him above all forever!” (Daniel 3). On the third day of my retreat, my director asked that I make this more personal, to reflect on what is blessing/gift for me. I immediately began thinking of all the people who are “enshrined within my heart” (Anthony deMello, Hearts on Fire book). On Day Four, I began to thank God for all the gifts of creation that I have enjoyed in my five physical senses, what I have touched, heard, smelt, tasted and seen that I truly loved in my life.

Thinking of these “things” of my senses caused two major reactions in me. Some of these things, like the sound of the ocean or hearing someone say my name with love and tenderness, impact me by soothing me. They bring me peace, calm, contentment. I find my center and I find God with me there. My other major reaction, like when I taste ice cream or I hear someone say my name with love and tenderness, is to arouse me, to excite me. I feel more alive, more energized, more me and I find God with me there.

These reactions, calmness and excitement seem like they are opposites. Certainly our world has built them up that way. We specifically go watch TV to “veg out” or to calm us when we’ve had a frenetically paced day. Have a day that is slow and boring and we look to go out with friends, go to happy hour, go to a Jazzercise class – anything that can arouse and excite us.

However, I don’t think calmness and excitement are opposites. Calmness and arousal - they tap the same thing. During our best, most cherished moments in life, we rest in God. “Our souls are restless until they rest in you” (St. Augustine). But, these moments, when we feel most connected to our sense of self and God-with-us, well, these moments also bring with them the tension and desire to get up and share them with others. I think that is why hearing our name spoken with love can soothe us like nothing else. But, it also can arouse us (sexually, emotionally, spiritually, etc….) like virtually nothing else is capable of arousing us. This desire to rest in God-within-us is intrinsically tied into our desire to move outward, away from self and towards others.

When we tap a core experience, as happens, for example, when we smell fresh baked bread, we simultaneously move into truest selves and also look for someone to point out the poignant aroma to. Both movements, the movement into our core and the movement/desire to share with another, are movements of God. They are, ironically, the same movement.